I'm sick; sick and tired of everything.
I can't even begin to describe how tired I am in terms of EVERY SINGLE ASPECT.
I'm mentally, emotionally and physically tired.
As cliche as this sounds, look at all those pictures up there ^ :
I fake a smile pretty well, no kidding.
But, it seems that I'm currently failing at what I've been doing best for the past 7 years.
It's getting too obvious nowadays that no, I'm not okay.
I'm serious when I say alot of people have been coming up to me to ask me if I'm ok because I look as though I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I then ask them, "Is it really that obvious?"
And I get a freaking "yes" for an answer.
Why am I suddenly so bad at what I've been doing effortlessly for most of my life?
I pretend as if I'm okay when I'm not, I'm really not.
The fact that people actually notice that I'm not ok, that just brings tears to my eyes because it's as though I've been shouting at the top of my lungs for the past few years, wanting people to know that "Hey, no, I'm not okay." And it's finally happening but then again, what good does that do?
Perhaps people will see me as a vulnerable person.
Perhaps those who dislike me, may use my miserable state against me or rather, to their own advantage.
I'm embarrassed by the fact that many people know I'm such a mess.
I'm scared that things are only gonna get worse and not any better.
And as I'm typing this post, I'm crying. I'm fucking crying.
It hurts, I'm really very tired.
Idek what's going on anymore. I just feel very tired.
I feel as though I'm gonna collapse any moment and not be able to see daylight again.
I'm afraid. Ya Allah, tolonglah :'(
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