And I'm not keeping now, the strength I need to push me.

Tbh, I don't really know what to blog about nowadays, hahahais.

Well, I shall just type out whatever comes to mind then.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday; it's a day of mixed emotions for most I guess. We feel happy cause it's still the weekend but then we start to feel the Monday blues cause another week is about to start the next day. It's all too fast, it's just scary. I can barely catch up with time nowadays. The phrase 'so much to do but so little time' is honestly an understatement as of late. It's like we don't even have time anymore. Like I said, this shit can get pretty scary for me. 

Idk what I'm doing with my life. Sighpie. I always say I'll do something but I don't achieve it in the end. What has happened to me, srsly? It's like I'm such a lazy piece of f*ck, it's not even funny anymore. I don't want to have to regret my actions by the end of next year when O's is around the corner. I'm not even scared; I'm petrified/terrified. It's like the moment holidays start, my brain is turned off. I can't seem to absorb any information nor even remember any of those I've learnt before. I swear this sucks sfm. Gah.

Been a little fucked up lately, not good. It all boils down to me once again. I let things get to me so f easily and this results in misunderstandings. This is evident from the shit that's been happening in the past few days. Major sigh. I've not been myself, I know and I sincerely apologize for that. I guess it's just my instincts telling me that shit's about to happen and knowing this, is keeping me from feeling 100% happiness. Sorry guise.

To Luqman, Natasha, Wei Xuan, Syahid and Syahmi, 

sorry you guise had to deal with my shitty attitude recently.

I just want you to know that whatever harsh things I may have said, I didn't mean it.

Ily all of you very much cause you guise have been some of the most amazing people I've ever known.

I wouldn't wanna lose anyone of you, yeppp.

A short update about today on the other hand:

I went to a wedding at Teban and spent some time with le cousins. Hadi didn't tag along though, that lazy ass. Camwhored abit with Nurul as well as took some polaroids once again :-) As usual, it was really hot and dreadful during the wedding but there were some sweet takeaways from it all as well (": Crapped alot with Nurul during the 2nd half of the day. That beech never fails to cheer me up with her mepekness, hahahais, love ya you ass ;* Oh and Kak Aisyah sang so melodiously at the wedding okay, I'm not even kidding. I wish I could sing like her, hurhur. Ok, dah, tmi.

Goodnight loves. x

I've been really happy cause you've made me this happy. 
Thank you and I love you. xx

Moving on now.

It's like I'm hanging by a thread.

"First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else 
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little."

I'm scared and confused. I'm losing people; they're leaving me so easily. 

I'm confused as to how I should feel, who I should turn to.

I don't know who too choose and who to believe. I swear I'm terrified.

And yet again, it all boils down to me. I'm such a screw-up.

Rewind.

This was on Wednesday afternoon with le #bbfl.
(Hey Nat, sorry I took so long to upload the photos!)
And I uploaded the unglam ones as well as you requested, hahahais :')

K, luv ya beech. x

But you're long gone, you've moved on.

likeabossyo:  (3:43 PM)
1) let go.
likeabossyo:  (3:44 PM)  
2) move on.
likeabossyo:  (3:44 PM)  
3) learn to stfu and don't mess things up for people
likeabossyo:  (3:44 PM)  
4) i'm a screw up
likeabossyo:  (3:44 PM)  
5) it's better to not confide thoroughly in anyone anymore
likeabossyo:  (3:44 PM)  
6) keep it all to yourself
likeabossyo:  (3:45 PM)  
7) possess an 'idgaf' attitude
likeabossyo:  (3:45 PM)  
8) i'm better off on my own
likeabossyo:  (3:45 PM)  
9) i have a huge social circle
likeabossyo:  (3:46 PM)  
10) better to keep that darn circle small cause all it's ever been doing for me is give me nothing but trouble, woopdeedoo




Don't mind the username and time postings, I copied this from the chat I'm having with wx rn.
But it's true, I've really learnt alot from recent happenings and experiences.
10 things I've learnt? It's all up there ^










If they were dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let them go.

But sometimes, it hurts instead.

So, before I go to sleep, here's a short update of today:

The day started off great tbh, mainly because Vino Alan, an X-Factor USA Season 2 contestant, followed me on Twitter! It was really unexpected because I didn't even tweet him to ask for a followback and what not. He's not my favourite on the show but definitely one of those whom I support and hope will go far. 

Here's the proof! Hehehe

Then, I got to relive my childhood by eating my favourite childhood snack! It's been years since I last consumed this yummy goodness! Up till now, I still don't know what exactly is the name for it. I just know that I call it 'wheel crackers' and so do a few others whom I know.

mmdapppppppp.

But, the day started to suck when the afternoon approached. Just the usual family arguments and shit. Oh well, I'm pretty much used to it nowadays but ofc, I can't deny that it still affects me every single time it happens. Shed a few tears, had Luqman & Nasrul console me and soon, I was back on my feet! I wasted no time in trying to cheer myself up by watching The Big Bang Theory episodes. I swear this show is like my 'sugar high/cocaine bliss'. Just a figure of speech though, not for real, lol. But yeah, it's f amazing. 

Pretty much slacked throughout the day. Sighpie. #whatsnew, eh? Managed to finish up the individual English holiday asgt though! (after days of putting it off) Sadly, I left a few blanks cause I didn't really get what they were try'na ask. Had the satisfaction of striking it off my to-do list! Hope to strike off more in the time to come! Anyways, I've just been listening to cover after cover after cover throughout tonight. And no doubt, my 3 favourite Youtube stars will forever and always be Max Schneider, Sam Tsui & Kurt Schneider. They are just flawless and perfect. I really wish I can meet them all in real life, please oh please. Wanted to donate to the funds needed for Kurt & Sam's debut album but I'm not old enough cause I don't have a credit card. Dang it, s'ok, I'll just support them morally hehehe. Can't wait for the album to come out! I'd most definitely buy it if it's on sale in stores in Singapore! Yeppp, that's about it!

Oh and hi Nat Bee, hope you had a great birthday! ;* 

I'll pass you your gift and letter tmr, ok?

Looking forward to our breakfast 'date' tmr morn~

See ya at Plaza Sing's Macs branch ;-))

Chill Murray.

Classic Archie comics digests on a Monday afternoon = a very happy Amira  ^______^

It's been a fairly good Monday and I hope it'll be an even better Tuesday. xx

Let the sky fall, when it crumbles

So basically, it's been a lazy Saturday.

Had emath tuition, finished up the individual part of eng hols hw and spent the rest of the day watching The Big Bang Theory, after having bought Arnold's Chicken for dinner from City Plaza which is just a short drive away from my place. Had hearty laughs while watching my current fave comeday (as previously mentioned) and overall, the day was good cause I managed to keep up my good mood for 2 days straight. But, as usual, something just had to fuck things up. Or should I say, someone. 

Basically, things took a turn downhill from there. It was just horrible, plain hurtful. So yeah, as a result, I've been spending the night, wallowing in sadness while having Hot Chelle Rae's 'The Distance' stuck on replay for about an hour straight or so. It didn't make me feel any better and I knew that but still, I couldn't help but play the song again and again and yet, again. The reason being, it reminded me of someone; someone who left my life 5 months ago but reappeared around 1 & a half months ago. At first, listening to the song for the 1st time in 5 months, didn't really affect me. But after several replays, everything kept coming back. All the hurt, pain and anguish that person caused me, I could literally feel it stabbing my heart repeatedly. I'm not even kidding. And at the same time, I was ranting to N______ about that person. I finally found the guts to talk about that person again in 5 months. I didn't know how to feel about it. 

I just started getting reminded of those few who made an impact on me and how once upon a time, they used to mean the world to me. They really did mean so much to me but now, we're nothing. It's sad to drift apart from people whom you thought would always be there for you. It's even worse when the time you had together lasts even shorter than expected. It's all too painful and sudden that you can't just swallow your pride and pretend everything's alright. It doesn't work that way. They left me hanging, one by one, and I had to pretend to be strong enough to get over them. I did, eventually, but it took me a hell load of effort and heartaches. It hurt so much to the point that I wanted to give up. I didn't see the point in fighting on. And rn, I seriously dk wth I'm rambling about. I'm just typing whatever comes to mind. 

So, I searched up each of their fb profiles (something I haven't done in a long, long time). I looked at their pictures and I smiled because they all seem so happy now. When they're happy, I'm happy. Who wouldn't want to see their loved ones happy? It's just part and parcel of life. I wondered how different things would be if we didn't know one another, if we didn't get closer and if certain things didn't happen. What would the outcome be like then? I'm seriously curious to know. Would things be for the better or for the worse? I have no clue cause I can't change the course of history. I can only pray for things to get better and then we won't continue to hold these grudges between us. I really wish I could be friends with all of them again. How I wish I wasn't so silly. I ended up crying just now. I just felt that I've been living life all wrong and yet, I can't do anything much about it because I can't go back in time and change things. I feel that I'm the crux of all my problems cause at the end of the day, it all boils down to me. I'm annoyed with myself.

I fall for people too easily. I trust people too easily. I give people my heart too easily. 

This has got to stop.

Watch the past go up in smoke.

It's Mondayyyyyyyyy, again, sadly.

I never like it when the weekends come to an end cause it feels like good times have to forcibly come to a stop and Monday just has to put a damper (is there even such a word lol) on my mood. Today has been a somewhat okay day. It started out great when I saw Muslihah & Nisa in school this morning. I smiled at them and they smiled back at me! :-D

Like c'mon, what better way to start off the day? I feel happy when people smile back at me :-)

Got scolded by my dad again in the early afternoon of today but I didn't let it affect me that much cause yolo, so why should I give a fark HAHA. While waiting for my dad to pick me up from Plaza Sing and send me back to school to hand in my WEP form, Luqman finally called me and we talked otp for the 1st time! It was so awkward cause he was speechless most of the time and I was making him laugh most of the time cause I was noobily trying to find my way around Plaza Sing, looking for the stupz taxi stand. It was a really short-lived convo but hey, it's better than nothing! My adik (Luqman) has a very cute voice. Hehehe.

Ate a quick lunch with Nat at Plaza Sing btw. Got the 2 for $10 lunch deal at LJS, tenenene. We were otp with wx for a looooooong time as well and I could have sworn I went a lil' crayyyy during that period of time. I kept spouting nonsense and saying random stuff. Idk, maybe the hunger was getting to me. Or the fact that Malay O'levels are on this freaking Wednesday and I only have one shot at this paper. I need the freaking A1, I really need it. If I can bag at least 1 distinction already, I'll be on my way to getting the 4 A1s I intend to get for my L1R5. Ofc, I should be aiming for more but if I can get this bare minimum that I'm aiming for, I'll be more than elated already. Insyallah, ya? :-)

Well, good day everyone.

Don't be cranky like my kittayyyyy.

Cause when you're fifteen;

Goodnight and happy 15th birthday to me. xx