I actually typed out a long, happy post a few mins back and when I tried to post it, Blogger had an error so my post wasn't autosaved and everything was just....gone.
Then, I got shouted at not long after that by my mum.
It seems like a standard routine nowadays; I get home, I get scolded and I end up having a shitty night. And, I'm just made to sit there in silence while I'm being wronged because I'm tired of fighting back so it's okay, I'll just lose. I'll let you say what you want of me. But, it's sad though how you're my mother but yet, you, of all people, have somewhat the least trust in me. You keep indirectly putting me down. Stop, just stop.
As I'm typing this post, I'm silently shedding tears but does anybody in this household/family notice? Nope, because none of you could care twice about me. Who am I, right? I'm just a disappointment to everyone of you; a hopeless screw up who can't seem to get back on her feet.
It's ironic as to how the blogpost that didn't get posted was me sounding really motivated to do better. It was about how I've learnt so much from the motivational and study skills workshop today, how I excitedly shared all that through that single blogpost. But who would have known that just a few minutes later, I'd get put down again, hurt, hurled to the lowest point my self-esteem could reach. It feels horrible I swear.
Why is it that everytime I try to get back on my feet, something bad happens and turn the tables around?
We learnt about overcoming our fears after noting what they were and all today during the workshop.
Guess my biggest fear would have to be not being good enough. Sadly, it's already happening.
Somebody, please help.
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