I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose.

I really miss the UK and the friends I've met and made there.

Got reminded of Lloyd when Siti Maryam replied my tweet a few hours ago, containing the link to my picture with Lloyd which was actually tweeted a few days back. I believe she was stalking me but she didn't want to admit it hahahaha. Started spazzing over the hunky, dreamy dude once again hahahais. Changed my twitcon to the picture of me and him. Started getting alot of mentions from people like Mutiara, Amruta, Hui Yi and Maryam. Then, I got reminded of the picture above ^ HAIS, I seriously miss the awesome people at Brisham Green School, especially Lloyd (obviously), John (the crazy but adorkable guy) and the many other pretty girls and cutesy, pretty girls I befriended :-) I miss all of you, please come and visit Singapore on a school trip next year, please. I'll personally show you guys around despite it being O'lvls year hehehehe.

And I bid you goodnight with an amazing cover from one of my favourite musicians:

xx.

So chill out, whatcha worried about?

Tbh, I'm not sure what to talk about in this post. I'll just type whatever comes to mind then.

So anyways, the past week has been an emotionally eventful one (but not in the good way, sadly).

Everything's just been going downhill since Thursday, 25/10/2012, to be exact. PTM/PTC was the worst one I've ever been to in the history of my entire schooling life so far. I can't even begin to describe how fucked up it was. Imagine having your bad points thrown at you one after another and you try to stand up for yourself but in the end, you just decide to stfu and sit there in silence because you just simply give up as to what people want to think and/or say about you. You know you're better than what they say but like I said, you just end up giving up. You're too hurt to speak or even cry. You're just numb. And when you're actually upset, somehow, people see it as though you're portraying anger and hatred but no, they're wrong. But, you give up on correcting that point as well cause you're just tired and tbh, you really couldn't care less anymore.

I'm being treated like a prisoner rn in this household. Even more restrictions are being set up and I swear it fucking sucks. Idk how to feel or how to react. I try to not let it affect me but at the end of the day, I'm only human. I can't pretend like idgaf at all. As strong as the brave front I seem to put on, I end up crying like a sore fuck like what I'm doing rn as I'm typing this post. As to why I' m crying, it's because my dad decided to find fault with me yet again just a few minutes ago. I swear everything's just so messed up for me. I can't stand pretending that everything's alright in front of others when in reality, nothing is fine; none at all. 

This was initially meant to be a happy post actually. But after what happened, I can't help but steer this post in an emo direction. I'm sorry I failed to be happy yet again. Because everytime I actually succeed in cheering myself up, I end up getting hit back to rock bottom. I can never stay happy for long cause something is bound to fuck things up for me.

Btw, I apologize for the excessive use of  'f' words in this post. I rarely use much of it in my blog posts except for once in awhile when I'm really upset/hurt/pissed off/disappointed, etc. So, give me a break, aye? 

It's all way too complicated.

"Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around"

I love you guys sfm.

A great day/night with the cousins :-)

Sadly, Hadi, Haney and Riyadh are missing from this picture cause they were busy doing their own things at that point in time hahahais. Can't wait to meet them again next Saturday, 3/11/2012.

Like what the title says, I love you guys sfm. I hope you guys feel the same way towards me, heh ><

Goodnight everyone, xx. <3 br="br" nbsp="nbsp">

"Heal others by first forgiving and healing yourself."

goodnight, xx.

And I know I said it a million times.

Pretty scenic view of the sunset from the car while on the road just now~

HAHA ok I look like a faggot in this picture. Was bored while waiting for my dad to finish pooping at Bedok Point just now HAHAHAHAHA, k. I look so spastic here, oh well. Everyone's bound to have their unglam moments so.....yeppp.

So........today's been a real drag. Error analysis is just plain boring shit that I couldn't take it anymore and practically kept dozing off 3/4 of the time during EGeog error analysis after Emath & Chem earlier in the day~ I don't like the fact that SOME classes were just being total bitches by making noise while others who didn't score as well as them (including me) were actually try'na concentrate on the going thru of papers. And yet, here comes these inconsiderate twerps who can't stop talking at the top of their voices and chit-chatting like they own the damn place, asdfghjkl !@#$%^* Ugh, they fucking pissed me off I swear. Tobi got damn pissed off as well as Laurin. (See? I'm not alone.)

HMT intensive was productive and I liked how hardworking I was being hehehe *pats self on the back* 8-)

Let's hope the following intensive lessons will be just as productive as well! YAYZERS.

Oh and did I mention that The Big Bang Theory has released its 6th season episodes already?!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CAN DIE HAPPY :')

Brb while I got watch the first 4 episodes of Season 6 before I sleep, heh.

Goodnight and have a good Tuesday tmr everyone! :-) xx.

Secrets.

But nothing's gained, nothing's won.

Yummy dinnerrrrrrr.

Things have only been going downhill from where we last left off.

I couldn't say or express it any better myself.

When nobody's around and my negative thoughts get the better of me, this is probably how I look like when I'm at my lowest and most vulnerable point. I just completely lose it and start crying the fuck out. But thankfully, it makes me feel better in the end. Letting it all out is definitely better than keeping it all in. So, those who have been strong for too long, just let it all out dears. Don't keep it in, please.

And to every single one of those who treat me like a spare tyre, _|_ you. Who the f do you think you are? You come to me when you're down and out but 'fly away' when you're all good? Seeriousslyyyy? What kind of bullcrap is that? Whoever gave you the permission to use people like that? I don't throw myself at you people. You make friends with me, you got close to me and when you feel like you've gotten bored of me, you dump me aside and go back to your 'clique'. Well, here's 2 words for ya: eat shit.

Ultimately, practically almost everyone's the same. 

It's hard to find people whom we can actually call 'friends' nowadays and you know what? 

That fucking sucks to an all time high.

Looks like it's back to square one.

EOY results have pretty much sucked so far.

Why is this not a surprise to me, though I wish I was surprised 'positively' this time round instead. 

Oh well, I screwed up yet again to the point whereby I'm asking myself, "Was I born to do this?"

And it'll just go back to moping and wallowing in self-pity. Then, self-denial that everything happens for a reason and things will only get better blah de blah de blah. And next, here comes all them motivational, tumbr-inspired quotes, hoping that they will help you get back on your feet. So, you decide to give it yet another shot and the outcome...........well for me, it's just been shitty shit ass for me so far.

What's your outcome? Good or bad?

Break Even.

The Script are inspirational, their music actually has a meaning and is so amazing. Their beautiful inside and out and don't autotune what so ever. Their my favourite band of ALL time. Their really sweet, funny, kind, loving, down to earth, and irish;-). They support and love their fans more than anything and don't beg for fame. They want to be known for their music and nothing else, thats why they don't put their faces on their albums. I LOVE DANNY O'DONOGHUE, MARK SHEEHAN AND GLEN POWER!

Couldn't have said the above ^ better myself :')
This is what a fellow fan commented on the following video:

HEYYY DURRR.

#ootd for cca today

Finally returned this amazing book.
I felt really sad having to part with it okay :'(

Before

  

After

Clearly I'm promoting iphone picture editing apps here. Just fyi, I used Bokehful for my #ootd pic at the top ^ As for the 4-grid one, I used Actioncam and Typic to come up with the final product. 

Here's a mindblowing image of the day for ya:

COOL OR WHAT. The 'hairs' look so real HAHA. Oh and check it outtttttt, spot 69% up there? If you don't know what '69' means, clearly you're either too young or too innocent-minded.

Cca today was pretty okay, planned le Nov b'day outing with Nat & Janani as well! I really hope things work out and my parents allow me to go for this one hais, pretty pretty please :-(

Anyways, gonna sleep now, wake up around an hour later, do 1 ML practice paper (since ML O'lvl is less than a month away), plan my next 2-3 weeks out on Google Calendars and then watch my HK drama! After that, I'll probably look through le peribahasa list and then figure out a way to tell my mum about the Nov b'day outing, in the hope that she will allow. Sigh, I really hope she gives me the permission to go T-T Wish me luck guise, I really, really need it. :\

P.S. Bridgit Mendler is my new girl obsession. (I'm perfectly straight though.)

Have a good day! xx

Where you at? The night is young.

#ootd for yesterday at Johor Bahru :-)

Snapped a quick selca while mummy was still praying at the surau :-)
Damn those eyebags :\

Got this for only around $1 at Malaysia while Singapore sells it at a general price of $2.50.

$5 Starbucks at Malaysia? Isn't that much better than spending $8.50 on a same drink in Singapore?

***********************************

Watched Taken 2 with le parentals today! :-)

Ate tulang at Boon Keng market!

Sup kambing FTW.

Today's #ootd, taken at Masjid Kampung Siglap.

Heyyy sexayyy kittayyyyy.

And I end off this post with a simple, "goodnight". xx





Hope everyone had a blessed weekend! Enjoy the week ahead and get rid off those Monday blues for once! Heading to school for cca practice again tmr, likewise on the previous Friday.
Can't wait to see le friends again, I miss them. x

So baby, there you go again, making me love you.

Just 5 (specifically, my favourites) out of the many pictures we took today during our mini outing @ Vivo!

Thanks for the awesome afternoon guise ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I'll just pretend everything's ok and that I'm not hurting.

So I'm telling you straight in the face, "Hey, I'm not okay."

See, heaven's got a plan for you.

Can I get more haggard-looking than in the picture above? ^

Sigh, the past few days have been killer.

Quarreled with my mum again and in public this time round when she embarrassed me in front of everyone just because she was tired and angsty. That still doesn't give you the right to humiliate your own daughter. #justsaying Chem tuition just made me feel 'ngeh'. In the earlier weeks, I actually thought I could pass Chem but now, it'd be a miracle if I even pass. I'm just hoping, praying and not to mention, trying my best.

Still feel like I've not exactly given my 'best' though. Anyhow, there's no point in moping around. Today's Pure Lit paper 2 was slightly harder and more indirect than expected but still quite manageable I guess! I only look forward to doing pretty decently for Lit but I'm still not gonna expect a particular grade cause expectations are forever leading to disappointments. 

Tomorrow's amath and I've already given up. I can't lie to myself and say that I'm trying my best for amaths cause I'm really not. I just can't, it's really not my thing. I'm only praying I don't F9 it again. Even an E8 would be so much better than an F9 so.......God, pretty please? >:

If I get up to a D7, I'll just be speechless and really thankful. I can't possibly ask for anything else. That'd be the cream of the crop of miracles. (if you get what I mean)

Ya Allah, please let tmr's amath paper be manageable for me to get at least a 20-25 mark out of 80? I'm not asking for much so....please? Sigh, I almost forgot. No expecting anything, I need to stick by that rule I've set for myself. #leggo 2 more days, I can do this. C'mon, I just gotta give it all I got. Don't fear failure Amira, just take it as a stepping stone. You can do it, you can really do it. Please, don't give up. :-(

Gonna start on amath at 4:15pm. (please honour your words Amira)

Would you pat me on the back or would you criticize me?

But there's nothing to grasp so I let go.

But the thing is, you were never even mine to begin with.

But at the end of the day, I can't help but stand up for myself; fight for my rights.

You already did though, you already did.
I'm surprised I survived. I must have had a metal ore in my head or something lol.

Well technically, I don't 'see' it but I can 'feel' it.

Yeah dad, I wish you didn't smoke.
This goes out to my brothers too.
And those friends of mine who have smoked and/or are still smoking.

.............they'd judge me and then abandon me.
Confirm chop plus stamp.

And I now leave you with several judgments to make of me.

Have fun.